Love under the surface

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One of the things I have been starting to notice is the “secret language of love” that can be felt under the surface of what is happening. I am noticing it with friends, with Sounds True authors, and with co-workers and with all kinds of people. I am calling it “secret” because it is not spoken about or acknowledged; I find myself noticing the feelings of love but not voicing them for fear that I will seem inappropriate or out of context or that there is no basis for me to be having the types of feelings that I am having, so better to just keep it to myself.

I can give a concrete example: Recently, I traveled with two co-workers to California to video record a lecture series. We met at the airport and spent 5 days basically glued together working on this project. One person in our group is a producer who has worked at ST for 13 years. The other is an audio-video technician who has worked at the company for 10+ years (interestingly, before this trip together, I knew both of these people had worked at ST for quite some time, but it was all a blur to me. I only found out their actual longevity at the company during this trip). And during this trip, we all found out a lot about each other, about each other’s personal lives and families and early upbringing. The curious thing to me was at the end of 5 days I felt so connected and bonded with these two men who work at Sounds True. Previously, I had been in short conversations with both of these people, in the hallways, in meetings, at Sounds True parties.  But we had never spent any real time together, let alone three meals a day for 5 days, traveling and working as a closely-knit team.

The experience made me reflect on what it must be like for people who play on sports teams together or even people in the armed forces or other groups of people who work closely with each other in intense, collaborative settings. I felt in my core how “tribal” I am by nature, how instinctively I become part of a group or pod. And most importantly, the huge amount of love that is potentially present right below the surface between me and other people if I am willing to take some time away from the “task orientation” that I usually bring to work and instead simply listen and tune to what could be called “the relational field.”

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And what I am finding is that whether it is through dreams (night dreams as well as day dreams) or spontaneous love eruptions that I feel in my being, there is so much love under the surface in so many of my interactions with other people, interactions which on the surface appear fairly tame and functionally-oriented. Underneath, there is a wild, upwelling of heart. It feels risky to say so, but how strange that what so many of us value the most – love—has become something that needs to be whispered or only voiced in socially appropriate ways. I want to sing about it from the rooftops. But since I can’t sing, I am writing this blog post instead.

Why does the love we feel under the surface for so many different kinds of people need to be kept secret and not voiced?  Because we are afraid that someone will think we are being sexually inappropriate or crossing a boundary? What if we could make our sexual boundaries so clear and reliable and trust-worthy that our voicing of the love we feel would not be misunderstood or misconstrued, but instead simply received as the heart’s outpouring of the recognition of how our souls are touching and co-creating. That is the type of wild love I wish to voice.

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11 Responses

  1. Sunnie N C Ezeanya
    | Reply

    Tami,
    This is beautiful! I agree with you totally.

  2. Josie Cohen
    | Reply

    Dear Tami, I have often wondered whether the utter respect and wonder for humanity I hear in your voice is consciously produced.Reading your blog now I know its not. I am listening to ” The Acceptance Project”(Thank you for it) and your interaction with the presenters for me is as useful as their input. To me you are the Maria Callas of the spoken word. Your intellect and courageous generosity in sharing that with the world is beautiful.
    I hear what you are saying about secret love. Dr Martinez made me realize that for some people what for some may be a display or sharing of affection for them it is toxic. My sense is that because you are so sensitive you are picking up on it and appropriately holding back. May I refer you to the work of Dr Elaine N Aron a researcher on “The Highly Sensitive Person”. She has done research on areas that Dr CPE turns into stories and poetry. I have a fantasy of having you, Dr CPE and Dr Martinez for dinner with Carolyn Myss joining us for Coffee. May God Bless you and keep you. You are precious.

  3. Rupa Westbrook
    | Reply

    aloha tami, i love that i stumbled across your blog while cruising around
    Sounds True….just the sound of your voice introducing speakers always
    brings deep sense of respect and love. i too feel what you share. a few
    months ago i had a dinner party to celebrate my 60th and there was so
    much love at that party i remember feeling that my body could hardly
    contain it. at the moment i am listening to carolyn myess and she talks
    of how much our need to be in social contact….i suppose the more the
    more possibility to convey our amazing connection and to speak or show
    our love that sits just under the surface waiting to spill forth. i too am
    sending an astral hug. sooooooo much love rupa

  4. Suzanne MacDonald
    | Reply

    Thank you Tami–I really resonated with what you shared and have had similiar experiences of love but held back expressing it for fear of it being misinterpreted as inappropriate, when it was truly a heartfelt love and appreciation of how we are connected in this human experience. I appreciate your sharing…..and love you! 🙂

  5. RW Lindholm
    | Reply

    Tami, Thank you for sharing your insight. I often have the same sort of feelings. Like I need to share an outpouring of love to another, yet I hold back for fear that it would be misinterpreted. It’s truly saddening to me that our society has become so fearful of sharing acts of loving kindness.

  6. Sylvia
    | Reply

    Tami, sounds like your heart is open, aware and resonating with love. Love to you for your work to bring words of awareness and love to others <3.

  7. Sherry
    | Reply

    Oh Tami, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have felt the same thing recently. If you were here right now, I would hug you!

  8. Susan
    | Reply

    This brings something vital into my awareness. It is so easy to focus on other things, such as what is wrong with this or that or her or him.. but this is such a nice practice.. Seeing love under the surface. It really is there in the smallest of actions – the clerk that is patient with my fumbling in the purse, the driver who lets me in line, the person who smiles at me for no reason, the strangers who stopped to help me when my car died, the attention and comments fm Facebook comrades, and on and on.. Also, the practice could expand to being love in the smallest of ways in my daily rounds.. You really have me reflecting here.. Thanks..

  9. DS
    | Reply

    Tami – thank you for all you do – Your interviews have enriched my life – thank you to all the technicians or should I say magicians? at ST too. Dena

  10. Johanne
    | Reply

    Thank you, Tami. That was beautiful. This really struck a chord in me, as I also experienced the love under the surface this morning. As I was running with my young dog (5 months old), a wonderful German Sheppard, in a traffic-free area, it quite unexpectedly took off to greet a man and his little child coming out from a cottage by the road. Even though my dog is very kind and calm, the man was visibly annoyed by this incident, not because he didn’t approve of the dog, but because it wasn’t on a leash. “We have many deer around here, and just last week one of them ran to its death, chased by dogs. Soon they will have their little calves – and if you care about animals at all, you must please keep your dog on a leash.” I did feel like explaining that my dog was under control (or that was what I thought!) and that he never had showed any interest in chasing deer in the forest as we had encountered them earlier. “Yes, he is nice and all, but his instinct are getting stronger and you can’t be sure of him from now on. One fatal mistake can be enough. Would you really like to be responsible for a deer dying while hanging on a fence?” “Ok,” I replied, feeling quite embarrassed, “I do agree with you, and I will keep him on a leash from now on.” The conversation went on for a little bit, and we said “Goodbye” on almost friendly terms. As I continued my run a feeling of gratefulness filled my heart, and the incident, to me, was a gentle, though humiliating, warning and an act of love. The quite respectful manner in which the man warned me, made me really open up to his message. I had long been slightly in doubt of how much freedom to give my dog, but now I could see clearly that it was time to “tighten the rope a bit”, to protect us both from an accident with possibly a heartbreaking outcome. I even felt my dog being grateful, as he ran beside me, doing better on his leash than ever before.

    • Rupa Westbrook
      | Reply

      wow…i cried reading your story…it could be mine even
      though i don’t have a dog…the sensitivity, humility, the
      courage not to be ‘right” but to take responsibility for us
      all…i’m touched and i thank you for sharing.
      luv rupa

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