Insights At The Edge: With Terry Gaspard

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Most of us are familiar with the oft-quoted statistic that approximately 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.

But did you know that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce?

On first blush, I found this surprising. I thought that post-divorce, people would only remarry if they felt there was a very good chance that the new marriage would stand the test of time (and that their experience from their first marriage would set them up for this to be a likely outcome).

The data shows something different.

Psychotherapist Terry Gaspard is the author of the new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around. As part of her research for the book, she interviewed 100 couples in the midst of their second or third marriages about the biggest challenges they were facing as a way to highlight the specific issues that come with remarriage—and how people can remarry with greater awareness and preparation for what lies ahead.

In this podcast, we talk about what those issues are, including navigating the complexities of blended families, the challenges of stepparenting, and the increased financial stress many people face in a remarriage. We also talk about:
  • How to know if and when you are ready for a new marriage
  • The importance—and limits—of chemistry in a relationship
  • How 70 percent of our differences in committed relationships are actually not solvable, and what this means in terms of the necessity to accept our partner as is
  • Why Terry recommends couples discuss questions of “shared meaning” at an early stage in a relationship
  • The startling statistic that 41 percent of couples have experienced some form of financial infidelity (not being up front and honest about financial issues), and immediate action you can take if you find yourself in this position
  • How letting go of our “grievance stories” about our partner can be an act of self-responsibility and liberation (we take responsibility for our role and feel our power to create something different moving forward)

 

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In my view, if there was ever a set of skills worth studying and developing with all our heart and might, it is the skills that lead to greater love and connection in intimate relationships. There is now a lot of data and research about what works (and what doesn’t work) if we want our committed relationships to deepen and flourish. If you are in a remarriage or are thinking of entering one, Terry Gaspard is a knowledgeable, clear, and caring guide. Now it’s up to us.

With love on the journey,

Tami Simon
Founder and Publisher, Sounds True

 

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